You never gave me your soul
by Danybel-Haine
Summary: Matt is completely in love with Near, but, apparently, he's the only one who feels that way. Shonen-Ai.


Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to its creators; nothing belongs to me, except the original version of this story.

Warnings: Besides the shonen-ai, and the emoness, a little of some unrequited Near/Mello

A/N: This is a translation of my story Nunca me diste tu alma mientras me dabas tu cuerpo, which is in Spanish. Also, this came to life because I was depressed one day and decided to write, and this came out Enjoy XD

**_You Never Gave Me Your Soul _**

Why don't you go away? Why won't you let me go? Why won't you make a fuss and tell everyone I stole him from you? Yes, I know, you loved him; you still do. And I was the only one who received his love. Why don't you treat me like what I am? Why? Just answer me and I'll be happy, you don't need to give me reasons, I know them all, but why do you give me those sweet smiles and hug me tenderly?

Why can't I hate you the same way you hate me? Do you even hate me or am I making all this up?

Why do you have to love him while I suffer loving you?

Tell me Near, if you have me by your side, why won't you think of me? Sometimes your glances make me feel –at least for some seconds- entirely happy. Having you by my side, curled up in my arms, makes me smile and I say to myself 'Cheer up, he loves only you' but then I see your lips moving unconsciously, while you sleep, saying his name.

And I cry on the inside, begging some god I don't believe in, to open your eyes and let you see only what you have beside you. I beg to every entity in which men believe in- even Kira, the god of a world filled with idiots- to make you forget his name and that the only words that come out of your mouth while you sleep are those of love for me.

And in vain I wait for the day when I can feel proud of calling myself your lover, because every time I show you my love you think of the one who abandoned you and never loved you and always ignored you.

"Matt," you say, with that soft voice you have every night, opening your eyes, covering your mouth with your pale hand, trying to avoid the smoke that enters your lungs "sleep, tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Let me finish this one," I answer without looking at you, watching the light penetrate the gray line of smoke, ignoring the passing of time.

And there's still a little of cancer left in my lips when you place your hands in my hips, pressing your elbows to the bed, taking with one of your pale hands the filter of my cigarette, putting it our and leaving it on the floor.

"Matt, sleep." You tell me and I smile, kissing your lips, you move away from me, coughing. I know you hate the cigarettes.

"You should sleep, I don't have anything to do," and you stay quiet. You know I'm right and still you come closer to me and kiss me, coughing a little more, but you don't stop.

I smile and hug you, pulling you closer, feeling your pale and slim figure with my hands, leaving all my emotions dancing on your skin, letting them enjoy the mere seconds they have on you before being rejected. Your hands play in my hair, your lips with mine, your legs around my waist. And sitting there you drive me crazy.

I smile and kiss you passionately, touching every part of your body, trying to touch your heart with my soul. I penetrate your body while you break my heart. And your moans and whimpers tear my soul, the same way your nails do to my back.

And there, under the light of the outside lampposts that peaks into the room, I see your skin glow and your strongly closed eyes while your back arches, moaning my name; me drowning yours. And you stay on top of me, breathing difficultly, with your lips apart from each other and your pale hands paler than normal.

And from your lips come the words I've always wanted to hear.

"I love you Matt." You say before kissing me, surprise wining the best of me.

And I stay quiet while we separate and you lay down on the bed, asking with a gesture for me to imitate you. I take the covers and hug you, covering our naked and sweaty bodies with the blankets, falling asleep with your words in my ears.

Just to be hurt again, the pieces recently pasted together fall apart again, mi poor heart is not broken anymore, it disappears, not even a mark of what it was before.

I smile with all my strength, hiding the tears behind the dark crystals of my goggles, with dimmed eyes and I say, "You found him."

The words freeze, I can't say any more. I ran out of the place, trying to flee from your worried face and the only thing I want is to disappear. Why do I have to love you so much? Why can't I hate you? I don't know where I am, but the tears don't let me see anymore. I sit down and cry until my eyes hurt and dry up, and I can't move nor breathe. The pain I feel in my chest doesn't even let me think.

I love you Near and I can't get you to love me back.

"Matt," I hear your voice calling me, strength leaving me completely.

"Give reasons to stay." I beg when I see you, standing in front of me with that same facial expression.

"You don't have to," you say and I start to sob.

"Give me an excuse," I say in a low whisper, my voice breaking and you, with the same serious façade as always, shake your head.

"You have to be by his side."

"Give me…" but I can't say it.

You get closer to me and kneel down, leaving your face at the same height as mine. You hug me tightly and kiss me, taking my goggles away, playing with my hair, trying to calm me down.

"I love you," I whisper, to myself instead of to you, and new tears fill my eyes.

"And I love you." Don't lie to me, I can't stand it. Don't tell me these things when you're thinking of him.

Don't hurt me anymore please. I hate you. I hate you with all my might. I hate you for hurting me, I hate because you hate me, I hate you for lying to me, I hate you for loving him, I hate you because I love you.

And that's what hurts me the most.

And that's what my tears say and your ears don't listen while you hug me and ask me to go to his side. "He's your best friend," you say, "you're the only one he wants." And your voice lets your jealousy escape; it lets your rage control you.

"I know," I answer, without even moving, putting my head in your shoulder, feeling the coldness that emanates from your body "only I can help him" and your hands hold on to me tighter and your breathing becomes harsh.

And I get up, getting away from you. I wash my face, look for my things, get a first-aid kit and get out of the building, everything without looking back. I get up in my Camaro and lit up a cigarette, my eyes red from crying.

Why do your false words hurt me?

Why don't you stop me? Why don't you go in my place?

Why do you fear rejection so much?

Why do you fear of being hurt the same way you've hurt me?

I take my cell phone, avoiding hitting a parked car while I do so. I speed up to 180 km/h. I dial the number saved in the recent calls. And for the first time I genuinely smile.

The broken and pained voice of whom you love so much, calling my name.

I love you Near, and you know it, and still you let me suffer. And I know you like me, but not in the way I want you to. You like me; you don't love me.

"Don't die," is what I say when I see that burned and scarred body and it brakes my heart to know that for some seconds it gave me pleasure knowing you were suffering "Mello" just because I could see your face filled with love.

**_Fin_**

A/N: The title is a line from the song "Flor de Fuego" by Caramelos de Cianuro, awesome Venezuelan rock band XD.

Hope you liked it!!!

Danybel


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